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Parenting Can Be Hard But You Are Not Alone!

If you haven’t seen the articles floating around, there is an increased focus on the collective stress that parents are feeling. The US Surgeon General published a study last year that indicated parents feel around double the level of stress of other adults (you can read the full study here). While a study doesn’t help lower those stress levels, it does open the door to greater awareness and therefore more focus in this area. Hopefully, it also provides some validation for parents out there who are feeling the stress of this critical role.

There are many factors that contribute to those stress levels, some of which need a more systemic solution, but one of the contributing factors is the confusion and overwhelming feelings of not knowing how to handle behaviour issues and all the relational landmines that seem to dot the parenting landscape. Concerns around handling the intensity of behaviours children can display, the critical role of relationship and attachment, growing awareness of trauma and the role parenting can play, the increase in youth mental health issues, raising children in today’s social/political environment, the increase in solo parenting etc. These are all new realms and parents need tools and support to do their best to navigate it all.

Stressed parents

 I have been a parent for 20 years and I understand the overwhelm, pressure and stress as well as the negative self-reflection of all of my mistakes. I have felt the burden of failing my children when I wasn’t able to handle myself the way a social media post said I should and internalized the blame when I was unable to control their behaviour. From toddlers to teens and now young adults, the challenges change and for me, the greatest support every step of the way has been that of the Nurtured Heart Approach® (NHA).

Let me share just a few of the reasons why.

At a high level, it offers a unique and transformative method to help adults feel more confident, effective, and connected to their children. Rooted in relationship and attachment focused, it provides a clear and always applicable roadmap for adults to shift their focus from managing behavior to building on successes however small. This empowers adults to stop the futile power struggles of trying to control or change the child’s behaviour/choices that often leads to escalation, conflict and division. Instead, we find unlimited opportunities to influence our children to know who they are so we can build their Inner Wealth®—the inner confidence and resilience for lifelong success. When adults and children feel better about who we are, we behave better. The tools of NHA apply to both.

More specifically, these are highlights of the approach.

1) NHA emphasizes the importance of strong relationships, clear boundaries, and authentic connection. It is not ‘gentle’, ‘positive’ etc.  While it helps parents communicate from those angles bringing lower levels of reactivity and the related fallout from that, it also holds children 100% accountable for their behaviours and choices without the need for punishment. For me, it combines many elements of current, effective, parenting approaches while also putting parents in the driver’s seat. NHA helps us be both nurturing and influential in guiding our children to be the best version of themselves.

2) It is an all-encompassing methodology that gives us the why, when, how and what to steer intense behaviour in a productive direction while building strong children from the inside out.  It is NOT a list of scripts to remember but a shift away from punishing or ignoring negative behaviors to turning those moments into opportunities for growth, connection and trust. All the parent needs to remember are The 3 Stands. These are simple, adaptable principles applicable to any situation, offering a consistent way to navigate the ups and downs of parenting. They do take work to put into action but they provide an easy way back to relationship for the parents when we inevitably mess up.

3) Instead of being the ones to have to control behaviour and fix problems, adults learn how to provide genuine, in-the-moment recognition (not praise) of values, self-regulation, and strengths which is a much more effective way to teach. Children internalize messages of worth, value and acknowledgement. The result is long term transformation vs. temporary compliance.  Behaviour flows from knowledge of what they are capable of rather than a fear of an externally imposed punishment.

4 )NHA nurtures a child’s unique strengths and greatness, so it helps adults to use the same tools for each child in a family, group or classroom. This shifts children away from feeling unseen and adults away from the challenges of using tools that don’t work for all children.

5) Neither parents nor children need to be perfect. Mistakes do not fracture connection but are opportunities for self-compassion and growth. People mess up and sometimes in really big ways, yet with the roadmap that is the foundation of NHA, parents can find their way back to connection and then guide their children back to themselves.  NHA is grounded in teaching parents and children the life skill of acknowledging and expressing emotions constructively.

There is so much more to be said about the Nurtured Heart Approach® but to experience it, many find it a game changer in parenting. It empowers adults to influence through the relationship, inspire transformation, and support children in developing confidence, autonomy, and self-regulation. By focusing on these principles, parents can enjoy the journey of raising their children and feel assured they are fostering future success.

If you are interested in why others are calling NHA “life changing”, “a whole new level of deep and genuine appreciation”,”a new way to communicate” and “transformational”, there are both group (click here for upcoming events) and private opportunities to explore it as well as ongoing implementation support.

“The Nurtured Heart works because it goes above, beyond, and below everything else that is out there.”l

 

 

Marny Elliott is a Parenting Coach and Relationship Counsellor using certifications in the Nurtured Heart Approach® (NHA) and Spiritual Psychotherapy to work with parents, couples, and individuals. She uses relationships as profound opportunities for healing thereby empowering parents to be confident agents of change as well as individuals and couples to clear the past, calm the present and connect with the courage to move forward.

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